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a week and a day since we said goodbye

4:28 pm CST March 3, 2010
Wow. What a week and a day it has been. We don't know what to say. The first two days were probably the worst, the shock, the initial grief, the planning, seeing our little guy at the funeral home waiting to be identified. We hope no one we know and love ever has to go through the loss of a child. We are devastated.

We have been overwhelmed with the support from the community. Our neighborhood, people we do not know have been dropping off food every night. We felt uncomfortable at first, still do, but these nourishing meals have been lifesaving. We would be eating frozen pizza's otherwise and not caring. Spending the past year and a half in the hospital as well, we never really ate well, everything was from the cafeteria or when we were home we just grabbed things. What a treat to have a lavishly prepared meal every night! The First Church in JP was so wonderful for Jasper's memorial service. Deborah from the community volunteered to perform and did a beautiful job with Jasper's song.

Friends and family have been sending thoughtful things. We sit and read them. We take a lot of time talking about Jasper every other moment. Remembering special times, how he would swat his hands in the air when he wanted his diaper changed, how he liked to bang on his piano.

We are trying to overcome the why's and focus on Jasper's life. He might not have gone to Disney Land, but if he was bored we would read, play or sing songs. If he didn't like something, like these hand splints PT gave him to wear (one of the few times he cried) we took them off right away and never put them on again. On dad's days off, he was cemented on his arm, watching golf. We let him sleep with us as soon as he showed signs of not wanting to be in his crib.

We are also focusing on putting our energy into something good. We wanted to do some sort of memorial, and have decided to host a fundraiser. After talking with the Children's Heart Foundation ( www.childrensheartfoundation.org ) we are going to put together a golf tournament Sept 27, 2010, all proceed to go to CHF to benefit pediatric cardiac research at Children's Boston. We have started a site, www.jaspersheart.com(still underconstruction) and will keep everyone updated!

We miss our Jasper terribly and would do anything to have him back in our arms again. Part of us is gone forever, but we are so lucky to have been able to have him for the time we did. Jasper was such a gift. We had him for his whole life, Chris and I got to be his parents, no one else can say that. He was our little boy, and he will be in our hearts forever.

from Jasper's Memorial Service

we set up a table with some of Jasper's favorite things and photos we love, and other things from Jasper

a pic from the day before he passed away

POSTED BY JaspersMom

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