The Tao of Jasper

4:20 pm CDT April 15, 2010
"While Eeyore frets ... ... and Piglet hesitates ... and Rabbit calculates ... and Owl pontificates ...Pooh just is. This really sums up Jasper. He was quite reflective, easy going and sweet. When a person, without any experience with medically complex individuals looks at him through pictures, it is easy to get lost in what you might see- medical equipment, a tracheostomy, scars, hospital rooms.

That was not Jasper. Jasper's life was not easy, no, but it was not all pain, suffering and sadness. Jasper knew the inside of a hospital room yes, but his mom and dad where there, toys where there, there were fun times. Jasper did not sit in pain everyday. He loved to read books, he could sit and look at so many in one setting. Always carefully studying the pages.

We would sit and listen to music for hours, Jasper sitting on my lap watching me sing. He loved to play with his toys, he was so busy banging on his keys, piano, spoons, he loved touching things.

Often Jasper just liked to watch the light coming in from the windows, he was very reflective like that. Just holding hands and watching. Dad would take him into the backyard, mum would take him for walks, we would visit friends, and Jasper would just watch people. He was a very content guy. He found peace wherever he was..

Understanding the pain of losing a child is something only those who have lost a child can really understand. Chris and I don't expect anyone to act any differently either.This experience is a unique one and we are happy most people have not experienced this and hopefully never will. It is hard knowing what to say to someone who has had such a loss. This grief is terrible, and really nothing you will say will make it go away. That's just the way it is. We are learning to live as new people, with a deep loss.

It is difficult to hear somethings as well, we try to tell ourselves that is is well intentioned, but often those who think they are helping, are actually saying things that are causing pain. For reference in the future, if you are at a loss of what to say to someone with a loss, simply "I am sorry", or "There are no words" are really the best things to say. Telling us our child lived a painful life, is not what Jasper did. Jasper lived his life, he had a wonderful time and loved being with his mom and dad. Yes there were painful times, but that was not the vein of his existence. He enjoyed everything he did, and his parents ensured he had as many happy moments as a child can.

We have been touched by the acts of strangers, sending birthday cards for Jasper, holiday cards, etc during his life and sympathies after his passing. We thank you for such genuine kindness. It is in our dark moments that these acts bring healing to our heavy hearts.

"But the adult is not the highest stage of development. The end of the cycle is that of the independent, clear-minded, all-seeing Child. That is the level known as wisdom. When the Tao te Ching and other wise books say things like, "Return to the beginning; become a child again" that's what they are referring to. Why do the enlightened seem filled with light and happiness like children? Why do they sometimes even look and talk like children? Because they are. The wise are Children Who Know. Their minds have been emptied of the countless minute somethings of small learning and filled with the great wisdom of the Great Nothing, the Way of the Universe."

Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

Here is a print Chris had recently gotten. He had picked up one with seals for Jasper, titled Jasper's Girl. This print is "Waiting for Max", and the little red head reminds us of Jasper, waiting for his little brother to show up.

Jasper watching the world around him while on the merry-go-round

Jasper loved being with his dad and would sit with him for hours

POSTED BY JaspersMom

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